Dear Friends, Yogis and Yoginis,

As I sit to begin writing, I’m aware of how much the last 6 weeks of my life is impacting and inspiring the way I view the world and this travel opportunity. One tangible aspect of that that is easy to communicate in this medium is the time I spent delving into the Enneagram as a lens for personal growth and self-awareness, and the Bhagavad Gita as a spiritual study of interpersonal challenges and as a pathway to God. I read several different translations of each. The Enneagram book which I referred to most was Understanding the Enneagram by Riso; and the Gita translation I turned to the most often was Eknath Easwaran’s. (You can look up the Enneagram on line and take the “test” to determine your E-type and its stress and thriving points.)

The Middle Seat
I embark on my journey to India willing to engage the small and large challenges that will inevitably arise. The first one…I’ve been assigned to a middle seat all the way to Mumbai! How awful!

I do two things…I ask the agent if it’s possible to have a window seat, preferably on the right side of the plane. And then I accept her answer. Yes from Newark to Mumbai. No from Portland to Newark.

Whew! I can practice being a good middle seat passenger for 6 hours. As with all things we practice, starting small seems to help.

A short while later, I have a chance to practice as I note that both of my neighbors use our mutual arm rests. Why is this? More importantly, can I get comfortable with less personal space all along this journey so that when there are six other faces reading my newspaper on the train in India I will find that amusing, connecting and delightful?

Judgments About Others (this title may get used repeatedly!)
I noticed a family of seven getting on the plane during the pre-boarding. Two parents, five children under the age of six. The parents are probably younger than me (thank God!).

When it’s time for me to board I make my way down the aisle to row 27; the plane has 28 rows. And there in the aisle is the father of the five children trying to figure out how to get all of their suitcases into the overhead bin in his area (their seats are in row 28). But the suitcases are the old fashion kind, with hard cases and no wheels, and there are too many of them for this to work. Nonetheless, he keeps working it, patiently, methodically, thoughtfully.

My first judgment…Why can’t he see that this won’t work? He is holding up the other passengers and doesn’t seem to notice! The stewardess is encouraging him to try the bins further up the aisle toward the front of the plane. He checks two of them very near by and they are both full. He does not look further up the aisle. She sighs, tells him there is an open bin about four rows up. But by now, the other passengers are figuring out how to work around him, put their luggage in the bins and take their seats, including me who has no overhead luggage, only under-the-seat-in-front-of-me luggage.

My second judgment…He is a frightened person. Why is he afraid of walking further up the aisle with his luggage? (Note: This is a Judgment and an Assumption!)

Before I tease out the informative part of this judgment process, I experience my amusement again. This time with myself and my journey. If this annoys me, what will lie ahead in India? I imagine the travelers will be more numerous, more boisterous, more cultured to a way of doing things that won’t be like “mine,” and more chaotic in general. The travel will undoubtedly squeeze more people, and their possessions, into too small spaces (think entire families on mopeds or a stranger trying to sit on your lap on the bus, both of which happened to me in Mexico and the Phillipines). The whole schedule and method of travel in India has been described to me as unreliable, unknowable, indecipherable. So, I amuse myself with acclimating to this small amount of annoyance here in the airplane in Portland. We haven’t even left the ground yet!

Now, those judgments…Since I’m prone to valuing “shadow work” and to using people as mirrors for my inner life, and since I was recently reading Byron Katie, I decide these judgments would be good considerations for me. How am I unawares of others? How does my fear show up in social settings? Even if my unawareness and my fear have so tremendously settled over the years, what’s left for me to understand?

The process of this kind of reflection always brings me back to a feeling of connection and empathy for the “other” and greater connection with myself. I’ve been unaware; I’ve been frightened, and socially awkward. Nothing to condemn there. And since my evolving out of those “realms” has been consistently freeing for me, I also get to have a few moments of gratitude for my maturing into greater ease and expansiveness in the world.

Fours, Twos and Ones… (the enneagram as teacher…)
I’m a Four on the enneagram, albeit a much healthier Four than the adolescent me (thank goodness!). Fours have been described as the “deep-sea-divers of the psyche.” I’m especially comfortable with this process and enjoy engaging in it. In fact, it’s one of the ways that I have fun in my life as an adult. When I can’t go scuba diving in the real ocean, I’m nurtured by scuba diving in the ocean of interpersonal experience. It’s always good for a few hearty laughs!

When Fours are stressed, disintegrating or devolving they move to a Two, the helper or the giver. This trip to India may be very evocative in this regard. I know there will be times when the part of me that longs to serve others will be quite stimulated. (Incidentally, moving to the Two position is not necessarily bad as it helps the Four develop her empathy. Though mine is generally well developed by both conscious and unconscious choices and life circumstances, India may push that to wider circles yet.)

When Fours are evolving or integrating, they move to the One position on the Enneagram. One is the perfectionist and the principled ruler. While Ones make great leaders and fair moralists with high standards, when they are less “integrated” (Riso’s word) they can also be fastidious, meticulous, and highly concerned with matters of cleanliness. They tend to be black and white thinkers, which inclines them toward judgment, intolerance for other people’s ways of thinking or behaving, and righteous indignation. They tend not to relax well.

Considering I’m heading into one of the most polluted, chaotic and over-crowded cities in India, and one of the most polluted, chaotic and over-crowded countries in the world, I will want to employ specific aspects of my One tendencies, while surrendering other aspects. I will use my hand sanitizer, drink only bottled water, eat only foods that are cooked and hot when served, and so on. But I will not expect organization where chaos may rule. Nor will I expect India to operate according to my preferences or agenda! So I will have to be aware of the One aspect that likes to be in control. (When a Four evolves to a One, Riso describes it as an opportunity to move to balance, accomplish things in the world, and leave behind the too-self-absorbed tendencies of the Four. If the Four hasn‘t developed empathy for others, she can end up trying to escape her nature by reaching for the controlled, orderly, rigid aspects of the One.)

Curiously, when a One is evolving, or integrating, she moves to the Seven on the spectrum. This is the playful epicurean. This would serve anyone very well in India!

Fours, Ones, Sevens and Twos (another curiosity about the enneagram)
Fours and Ones share a special place on the Enneagram, as do many pairings. For Fours like me who have been told in early life that their emotional sensitivity and intensity was “too much” for others (usually their caretakers), we may, curiously and unconsciously, draw Ones to us who will feel challenged by our feelings. According to Riso, Ones can be disconnected from feelings and are more active in their intelligence/mind, using discernment and reason to work through issues; whereas Fours attempt to evolve through their emotions. As the Four evolves, she moves to the One where she can thrive if she applies her own discernment to her “emotional” process (rather than needing to draw an “other” to her as her “mirror” or external representation of her own internal aspects).

Here is the healing power of the Enneagram in a Cosmic Joke… The One is drawn to the Four to awaken their emotions! When Ones are under stress or disintegrating (Riso‘s word), they move to the Four position, which can make them feel very uncomfortable as feelings are messier - remember the One is tidy! - than intelligence/intellect. In the end, the One and the Four have different strategies, different cultures, and strengths to learn from each other! And that is where I picture the cosmos having an interpersonal giggle!

As I head to India, I’m reflecting on this because America is concerned with cleanliness, order, and intelligence over the raw messiness of life that will be so obvious in India. America generally doesn’t know how to relax and can consistently come across as righteous and controlling. India has been described as rich with feeling, angst, longing and the ache for the divine. It is messy, God knows. While the Ones and Fours can experience a culture clash, they also have incredible potential for transformation together (according to the Enneagram as a guide for self-awareness and growth). The potential culture clash of America and India could prove awakening for them both!

I will no doubt experience to what degree the One aspect is woven into me, as a lifelong citizen of America, but also as a Four who has well-developed aspects of her One (my organizational and leadership skills, intellect, capacity to judiciously weigh issues from many sides, and in the way Ones seek to uphold truth and justice). I will just as much experience my Four, as a lifelong lover of/seeker of God and someone whose emotions, when they’re rising, have priority over her intellect. I’m sure there will be so much to FEEL on this trip!

Namaste,
Sarahjoy